Shadows of Love

I have very vivid dreams. Quite often in fact. My dreams are so real that I can taste, smell, and remember how things felt in the dream. It can be terrible and exciting all at the same time. I remember pondering at one point if I was seeing my other life through my dreams. That maybe, in my subconscious, I was connected to my alternate version of myself living in another universe. At night we would meet and compare our lives. Let me tell you... Sometimes her life is waaaaayyyy better then mine. But most of the time I see myself die in my dreams and I'm not really sure what that is about. But other times I get to see some of the wonderful and thrilling adventures she gets to go on.

The most vivid one I remember recently was a few nights ago. I believe it was on the 1st, well the 2nd if we're getting technical. I was dreaming that I was at work. Not my actual work, it was some weird store and I was there at night. I went out to have a cigarette on break and I wanted to be left alone. I still remember the creepy feeling that I had at this moment in the dream. Someone was watching me, every move, everything I did. I got into my car and drove to the other side of the parking lot. There he was the guy that was watching me. He was standing next to a large dark black suburban. He was wearing a trench coat and a fedora. he was under a light which cast dark shadows on his face. I never saw his face not once. I was having a problem parking my car, I continually ran over the curb and would have to back up. So at one point he as able to get over to the passenger side of the car. I cracked the window and he said "Mary I am here to guide you on a journey. I have this key for you. But before you can take it you have to agree to my terms." I said ok what are the terms. (The key looked so cool I was game even with out the terms!). He said "You have to finish every quest even if it scares you and by finish I mean that you have to find the answer to whatever the question is at the start. Until you do you will not be able to leave or move on. You can't change anything while you are there. You also have to tell the truth no matter how bad it is no matter how hard it is at all times. Do you think you can handle this?" I said yes I believe I can. He placed the key in my hands and said "Well then let me welcome you to the Shadows of Love Journey."

With that my boyfriend rolled over in bed waking me from the dream. In those first few seconds between dream and reality I thought he was troll and gasped and cried out in fear. When I realized what had happened I was so mad that the dream was gone. I really want to know what that journey was all about. What is my subconscious trying to tell me here? I've had some really weird dreams, a lot of adventure dreams, and a lot of them ending in death. I've never had one where I was given a quest. I hope that this dream happens again and this time interruption free!!!

Romance.... Lost

Whenever I watch TV or movies and there is an overly romantic lead male it gives me this deep feeling of sadness in my chest. It's not that I don't have a great boyfriend, I do! It's just that I have never had a guy do the disgustingly romantic stuff that you see in the movies. It leaves me with this stupid ache, you know the one! The one that nags at you screaming you deserve that, how come your guy doesn't do that for you? Ahhh this is the shit that makes girls go crazy! Why does Hollywood make these guys? Are girls supposed to have terrible neuroses about how unromantic our real lives are? It just isn't fair. Do truly romantic men really exist? And if so where? God damn it! Tell me!!!!

It's not just Hollywood. I am lucky enough to have parents who married right out of high school and are still married. Like any couple they have had their ups and downs, but over the years I've seen what a good marriage really looks like. I've also been witness to my fathers many romantic moments with my mother. Ewww that sounds gross! No I haven't been there for all the gory details. But I listened as my mother read a poem that my dad wrote for her. He has made her beautiful birthday cakes, surprised her with flowers, and has on many occasions cooked absolutely wonderful dinners with the candles and all!

So I'm just going to throw this out to the world and see if I get anything back!

Where is my bed of roses? I would love to be surprised with some super luxurious vacation to an exotic destination. Cook me a dinner on a night that I would least expect it. Back rubs! I think that I deserve a little bit of romance. Example my ex husband proposed by giving me a box and saying here's your ring do you want to get married? WTF! Get creative and romance me. All girls like it every once in a while!!! And no I don't mean your bad romance. I've had enough of those to last a life time!

Saving Our Oceans

It's hard for me to be an advocate for the world's oceans while I live in a landlocked state. However, I do what I can to help others learn as much as possible about the devastation that goes on there. I could have made my entire blog about this subject, but instead I will leave it to those who are more eloquent then myself; such as "Her Deepness" Sylvia Earle, and Brian Skerry, to tell you about it. I stumbled across these in my never ending quest for knowledge. Please go and watch these videos and then find a way that you can help! Whether it's to eat less fish, recycle, and demand that our oceans are protected! We simply cannot let this beautiful wonder go to waste!

http://www.ted.com/themes/a_taste_of_mission_blue_voyage.html

"I hope, Jill, that one day there is evidence of  intelligence among humans on this planet!" - Sylvia Earle

To Sleep Per Chance To EAT...?

The beginning of the new year always brings about new resolutions. Those pesky lists that we make that will lead us to a be a better person. I make mental notes whenever the new year roles around but I never seem to live up to my own expectations. This year I would like to change that. So as 2012 roles in I would like to lose weight, eat better, drink less, and get more sleep!

Getting more sleep should be at the top of a lot of lists this year. It seems that loss of sleep is becoming quite a problem these days. So much in fact that drug makers have made hundreds of dollars selling sleep aids. Not to mention the amount of money that is spent everyday at coffee shops around the world! Coffee, in my opinion however, is a drink for any time of day. This might actually explain some of my sleep problems! ;)

While some people might need to take all of those drugs to sleep, I will choose to stay away! It seems that some of the side affects are worse then waking up in the morning needing an extra surge of caffeine to get through the day. Take Ambien for example...

Warnings and Precautions

Need to evaluate for co-morbid (what?) diagnoses: Revaluate if insomnia persists after 7 to 10 days of use.

Sever anaphalactic/anaphylactoid: Angioedema and anaphalyxis have been reported. Do not rechallenge if such reactions occur. (Nice! Some of these reactions end in death, how could you "rechallenge"?)

Abnormal thinking, behavioral changes, complex behaviors: May include "sleep-driving" and hallucinations. Immediately evaluate any new onset behavioral changes. (Ok I'll be the first to admit that I've almost fallen asleep while driving, but I think "sleep-driving" is different. And I'll stick to normal ways of hallucinating thank you!)

Or how about Lunesta... Sleep on the wings of an angel (sounds really nice doesn't it!)

After taking Lunesta you may get up out of bed while not being fully awake and do an activity that you do not know you are doing. The next morning you may not remember that you did anything during the night. You have a higher chance for doing these activities if you drink alcohol or take other medicines that make you sleepy with Lunesta. Reported activities include:

• driving a car
• making and eating food (do calories really count if you're sleeping)
• talking on the phone (is that like drunk dialing?)
• having sex (this could be fun)
• sleep-walking

If I were to try to take any of these sleep medications I might never sleep again. I already have enough problems when I'm sleeping. I have diagnosed myself with sleep tourettes. If you think it might be funny to wake up in the middle of the night next to someone screaming profanities at the top of their lungs at you try sleeping with me! I've been know to call my boyfriend a mother fucker, asshole, dick, and other meaningless names that I would never call him during awake hours.

I am also extremely violent in my sleep. Acting out some of the strange dreams I have where I'm a boxing champ, or burning someone with my cigarette. This happened on a camping trip my boyfriend was trying to wake me up and almost ended up with black eye when I tried to elbow him off of me. I've punched him in the back and smacked him across the face. I've woken up screaming in fear and crying. I also laugh hysterically. You could even hold a conversation with me.

So for now I will try to sleep naturally and when that fails I'm taking melatonin. If that fails get ready to deal with one grouchy human loaded up on caffeine! So here I come new year.... are you ready!?!