Ok.... Now What?!

Beetle

To see a beetle in your dream indicates that some destructive influences may be at work in your waking life.  You may also feel that your values and beliefs are being compromised.

Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.

Friend

To see your childhood friend in your dream signifies regression into your past where you had no responsibilities.  Things were much simpler and carefree. You may be wanting to escape the pressures and stresses of adulthood. Consider the relationship you had with this friend and the lessons that were learned. Alternatively, the childhood friend suggests that you have been acting in a childish manner. You need to start acting like an adult.

Crying

To wake up crying represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on.

To dream that no one hears or responds to your cries represents your helplessness, difficulties and frustrations in trying to communicate with others. You feel that your words are falling on deaf ears. Perhaps your dream is telling you to be more vocal and work harder to get your point across.

That just about sums up the dream I had last night. I've been stuck in the funky mood ever since......... So now what!?! And WHY can't I ever dream of rainbows and lollipops?!!!!!! 

Pass the Apple Butter Please!

Over the past year I've really stretched my wings and expanded my comfort zone. I have allowed myself to open up in ways that I haven't ever in the past and I'm absolutely loving every minute of it. For the first time I finally feel like I'm living the life I am meant to. I used to believe that I was a homebody. When I was married I would go to work and then go home and spend the rest of my evening parked in front of the TV wondering if this was all there was. Now I'm constantly looking forward to the next adventure and wondering where am I off to next weekend.

Last spring there wasn't a single weekend that I wasn't going to a concert and there are plenty of stories to tell from all of that. I starting dating my current boyfriend and then we starting going on adventures together. During the summer we were busy every weekend with concerts, back packing, hiking, traveling, and rafting. Sometimes all of it in one weekend! It was busy and wonderful. I have met a lot of new people and made some great new friendships. I really have enjoyed it all but.....

I do sometimes miss time at home. I miss being able to wake up on the weekends and have the house all to myself. I miss making coffee and sitting on the patio reading while enjoying it. I miss just being at home. A couple of weekends ago I got my wish. The day was a little busy with running errands and picking up my pooch! But that evening my boyfriend and I had no plans at all. When I arrived at his house he was in the process of making apple butter. Over the next three hours we had finished the task and polished off two bottles of red wine. We were able to be goofy and drunk and we didn't have to worry about who or what was around. We also didn't have to worry about who was going to drive us home! By the end of the night we had finished three bottles of wine, had a wonderful dinner, and made apple butter for our pancakes the next day! I have to honestly say that even though we weren't going out and being our normal busy selves, I had one of the best times!

Here's to all the things that make home.... home! And so wonderful!!! (in no particular order)

Showers
Bed
Pillows
Candles
Pets
My Music As Loud As I Want It
Midnight Snacks
Coffee
Ice Cream!!!
And now... Apple Butter!!!! Yummy!

Office Pets

When I first started my new job in May of last year there was a broom closet next to my desk. Not actually a broom closet. But most of the higher ups considered this office to be lacking in space and therefore it remained empty for some time. In about June I took an unplanned three week sebatical and when I returned to work the office had an occupant. At first I didn't even notice. I didn't know who it was and he didn't affect my job in any way. He was an easy going old guy who was quick with a smile and a pleasant compliment. To my dismay he retired. The office was again empty although it was often full of visitors cleaning out the files and claiming back the items that belonged in their department. There isn't much more that I hate during my work day then loud talkers so I was glad to have it be silent again.

That happiness was short lived. I have a new roommate. I long for the days of old, when I wondered why no one invaded that space. I wish that they would just take the office down. Although it does block me from unwanted traffic. My new roommate is an older woman who lives at work. Or atleast you would think that if you looked in her office. She has an insane amount of personal items in there. Knick knacks and the works. She is also a personal space invader. I soooo wish this was a game! An office supply stealer! She had the nerve to make security track down her stolen coat rack but had no problems about using my desk to store her extra crap when she moved in, but also took things from my desk on her way out. She can also be somewhat of a busybody! She just hits waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy to many of my pet peeves for this to work out. I'm not sure if loud talker is on that list but it should be. I spend my day at work with my headphones on and I can still hear her on the phone.


But the worst has to be the really creepy fake cat in its own bed. Now if that wasn't creepy enough..... she moves it around in her office weekly. I think this thing is planning an escape. Today the poor thing is the door stop. It stares at me with its fake eyes and cries for me to release it from its stuffed hell. I can't bare to look at it for too long. I once tried to free a vacuum from a friend's neighbor at midnight. I felt so bad for the poor thing. But this cat.... I want nothing to do with it. However, it has given me an idea.

I need a creepy office pet that I can move around my desk. But I want it to be small enough that you would have to look pretty hard to find it. So if you know of anyting like this please, please please let me know!!!! I need something to keep me entertained at work!

Shadows of Love

I have very vivid dreams. Quite often in fact. My dreams are so real that I can taste, smell, and remember how things felt in the dream. It can be terrible and exciting all at the same time. I remember pondering at one point if I was seeing my other life through my dreams. That maybe, in my subconscious, I was connected to my alternate version of myself living in another universe. At night we would meet and compare our lives. Let me tell you... Sometimes her life is waaaaayyyy better then mine. But most of the time I see myself die in my dreams and I'm not really sure what that is about. But other times I get to see some of the wonderful and thrilling adventures she gets to go on.

The most vivid one I remember recently was a few nights ago. I believe it was on the 1st, well the 2nd if we're getting technical. I was dreaming that I was at work. Not my actual work, it was some weird store and I was there at night. I went out to have a cigarette on break and I wanted to be left alone. I still remember the creepy feeling that I had at this moment in the dream. Someone was watching me, every move, everything I did. I got into my car and drove to the other side of the parking lot. There he was the guy that was watching me. He was standing next to a large dark black suburban. He was wearing a trench coat and a fedora. he was under a light which cast dark shadows on his face. I never saw his face not once. I was having a problem parking my car, I continually ran over the curb and would have to back up. So at one point he as able to get over to the passenger side of the car. I cracked the window and he said "Mary I am here to guide you on a journey. I have this key for you. But before you can take it you have to agree to my terms." I said ok what are the terms. (The key looked so cool I was game even with out the terms!). He said "You have to finish every quest even if it scares you and by finish I mean that you have to find the answer to whatever the question is at the start. Until you do you will not be able to leave or move on. You can't change anything while you are there. You also have to tell the truth no matter how bad it is no matter how hard it is at all times. Do you think you can handle this?" I said yes I believe I can. He placed the key in my hands and said "Well then let me welcome you to the Shadows of Love Journey."

With that my boyfriend rolled over in bed waking me from the dream. In those first few seconds between dream and reality I thought he was troll and gasped and cried out in fear. When I realized what had happened I was so mad that the dream was gone. I really want to know what that journey was all about. What is my subconscious trying to tell me here? I've had some really weird dreams, a lot of adventure dreams, and a lot of them ending in death. I've never had one where I was given a quest. I hope that this dream happens again and this time interruption free!!!

Romance.... Lost

Whenever I watch TV or movies and there is an overly romantic lead male it gives me this deep feeling of sadness in my chest. It's not that I don't have a great boyfriend, I do! It's just that I have never had a guy do the disgustingly romantic stuff that you see in the movies. It leaves me with this stupid ache, you know the one! The one that nags at you screaming you deserve that, how come your guy doesn't do that for you? Ahhh this is the shit that makes girls go crazy! Why does Hollywood make these guys? Are girls supposed to have terrible neuroses about how unromantic our real lives are? It just isn't fair. Do truly romantic men really exist? And if so where? God damn it! Tell me!!!!

It's not just Hollywood. I am lucky enough to have parents who married right out of high school and are still married. Like any couple they have had their ups and downs, but over the years I've seen what a good marriage really looks like. I've also been witness to my fathers many romantic moments with my mother. Ewww that sounds gross! No I haven't been there for all the gory details. But I listened as my mother read a poem that my dad wrote for her. He has made her beautiful birthday cakes, surprised her with flowers, and has on many occasions cooked absolutely wonderful dinners with the candles and all!

So I'm just going to throw this out to the world and see if I get anything back!

Where is my bed of roses? I would love to be surprised with some super luxurious vacation to an exotic destination. Cook me a dinner on a night that I would least expect it. Back rubs! I think that I deserve a little bit of romance. Example my ex husband proposed by giving me a box and saying here's your ring do you want to get married? WTF! Get creative and romance me. All girls like it every once in a while!!! And no I don't mean your bad romance. I've had enough of those to last a life time!

Saving Our Oceans

It's hard for me to be an advocate for the world's oceans while I live in a landlocked state. However, I do what I can to help others learn as much as possible about the devastation that goes on there. I could have made my entire blog about this subject, but instead I will leave it to those who are more eloquent then myself; such as "Her Deepness" Sylvia Earle, and Brian Skerry, to tell you about it. I stumbled across these in my never ending quest for knowledge. Please go and watch these videos and then find a way that you can help! Whether it's to eat less fish, recycle, and demand that our oceans are protected! We simply cannot let this beautiful wonder go to waste!

http://www.ted.com/themes/a_taste_of_mission_blue_voyage.html

"I hope, Jill, that one day there is evidence of  intelligence among humans on this planet!" - Sylvia Earle

To Sleep Per Chance To EAT...?

The beginning of the new year always brings about new resolutions. Those pesky lists that we make that will lead us to a be a better person. I make mental notes whenever the new year roles around but I never seem to live up to my own expectations. This year I would like to change that. So as 2012 roles in I would like to lose weight, eat better, drink less, and get more sleep!

Getting more sleep should be at the top of a lot of lists this year. It seems that loss of sleep is becoming quite a problem these days. So much in fact that drug makers have made hundreds of dollars selling sleep aids. Not to mention the amount of money that is spent everyday at coffee shops around the world! Coffee, in my opinion however, is a drink for any time of day. This might actually explain some of my sleep problems! ;)

While some people might need to take all of those drugs to sleep, I will choose to stay away! It seems that some of the side affects are worse then waking up in the morning needing an extra surge of caffeine to get through the day. Take Ambien for example...

Warnings and Precautions

Need to evaluate for co-morbid (what?) diagnoses: Revaluate if insomnia persists after 7 to 10 days of use.

Sever anaphalactic/anaphylactoid: Angioedema and anaphalyxis have been reported. Do not rechallenge if such reactions occur. (Nice! Some of these reactions end in death, how could you "rechallenge"?)

Abnormal thinking, behavioral changes, complex behaviors: May include "sleep-driving" and hallucinations. Immediately evaluate any new onset behavioral changes. (Ok I'll be the first to admit that I've almost fallen asleep while driving, but I think "sleep-driving" is different. And I'll stick to normal ways of hallucinating thank you!)

Or how about Lunesta... Sleep on the wings of an angel (sounds really nice doesn't it!)

After taking Lunesta you may get up out of bed while not being fully awake and do an activity that you do not know you are doing. The next morning you may not remember that you did anything during the night. You have a higher chance for doing these activities if you drink alcohol or take other medicines that make you sleepy with Lunesta. Reported activities include:

• driving a car
• making and eating food (do calories really count if you're sleeping)
• talking on the phone (is that like drunk dialing?)
• having sex (this could be fun)
• sleep-walking

If I were to try to take any of these sleep medications I might never sleep again. I already have enough problems when I'm sleeping. I have diagnosed myself with sleep tourettes. If you think it might be funny to wake up in the middle of the night next to someone screaming profanities at the top of their lungs at you try sleeping with me! I've been know to call my boyfriend a mother fucker, asshole, dick, and other meaningless names that I would never call him during awake hours.

I am also extremely violent in my sleep. Acting out some of the strange dreams I have where I'm a boxing champ, or burning someone with my cigarette. This happened on a camping trip my boyfriend was trying to wake me up and almost ended up with black eye when I tried to elbow him off of me. I've punched him in the back and smacked him across the face. I've woken up screaming in fear and crying. I also laugh hysterically. You could even hold a conversation with me.

So for now I will try to sleep naturally and when that fails I'm taking melatonin. If that fails get ready to deal with one grouchy human loaded up on caffeine! So here I come new year.... are you ready!?!